He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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