Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
