the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
