I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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