Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
