Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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