I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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