Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
