phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
