so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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