Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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