:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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