i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
