If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
