my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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