What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
