I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
