i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize