You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
