I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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