she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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