I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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