I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
