I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is Oprah even human
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
