I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
