do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize