Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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