:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
