Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
