Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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