My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
