I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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