my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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