If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
