Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone shit on the floor
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
