I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
