he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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