So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
