I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
