sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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