yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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