please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
