So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
