It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
