remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize