if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
