i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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