How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
