Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize