There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
