he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the day after is always just damage control
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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