Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
