Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
