once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
