Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
