I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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