My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
