well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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