Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
