Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
