I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
