So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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